The Shit Hits the Fan

OK, if you are faint of heart, or squeamish, close the window now. Step away from the blog! This is not for you!

But for those of you who have unbridled curiousity, and a macabre sense of humor, and a never ending fascination with the obscure and disgusting, read on!

Now that I have your attention, buckle your seatbelts! Or hold on to your toilet seat, whatever the case may be.

I have decided, with a very small amount of prodding from my daughter to do a Colonic Cleansing with her! Yes! For those of you who have little to no idea of what I am talking about, the premise is this: We are all filled with all sorts of disgusting things that have accumulated over the years in our colons, things that would be better off expelled in the toilet and subjected to our horrified but unwavering scrutiny. Things like parasites, and things like "mucoid plaque", which is basically century old poop. In return for cleansing our colons, theoretically we are to be rewarded with better health, a clearer skin, increased energy, mental rejuvination, and of course, fodder for our blogs.

This was my present for Valentines Day and Mothers Day from my daughter. A 3 month supply of fiber, laxative tea and a parasite ridding herbal concoction. She is the best daughter EVER!

I cannot tell you how excited I am! Well, let me try. I have been plagued with shit dreams all my life. I am always immersed in shit, of some form or another. Usually, I am sitting on a toilet, doing the deed, when I realize that a whole shitload of people are in the same room as me. And there is nothing I can do about it. I have no privacy. I try to be as unobtrusive as possible, but how the hell can you wipe your ass and flush the toilet without them noticing? This seems to be the common denominator of my shit dreams.

So, I am hoping that by ridding myself of "old shit" in the present, I can rid myself of these shit dreams, or at least move on to naked dreams. I mean, give me a break!

So here is my progress so far. I have been on the program a little over a week, and don't have a lot to report. I drink my tea in the evening, it gives me a bit of cramping in the morning, and you all know the obvious result of that....... then I drink a glass of water on an empty stomach with my parasite herbal capsules, and 15 minutes later, drink my fiber stuff. Then I commence to my NORMAL schedule, and drink my coffee and wake up.

So far, nothing out of the ordinary......... except for one evening..... it was kind of like, uh, silly putty. I will leave it at that for now. But silly putty is, uh, well, kind of rubbery and stretchy, and not very fluffy.

What can I say, but SHIT! This thing might be working! But if you really want to be grossed out, go to www.drnatura.com and see all the horrific things that people claim have exited their colons with help from the program. Do not attempt this while eating!

OK, for those of you who have stuck with me, if you continue to monitor my blog, prepare to get in and dirty..... the shit is gonna hit the fan!!!!