Dating

Oh boy, where do I start? First of all, how do you start dating again when you are in your 50's? I mean, come on, you don't go to high school or college anymore, where there are dudes everywhere you turn! At least I don't. I work in an office, a 3 woman office. Granted, I talk to men all day long, being a truck broker. But really! Most of them can hardly speak English! And since I am a great lover of the English language and all it's nuances, the pickings are slim. My favorite person to talk to these days, trucker/dispatcher wise, is a young East Indian boy by the name of Aman. 23 years old. Same age as Jenna. So, the pickings are really "none".

To compensate, I have ventured a teeny bit into the online dating scene. Met a grand guy in Iowa. Do you know how far Iowa is from Washington? A long ways, a damn long ways.

Then there were assorted freaks........ do I need elaborate? Like the dude that was so fucked up in one email that he couldn't even type anymore? Delete. Or the one that ranted about Mormons, spouting off all sorts of weird facts which I later debunked on snopes.com. Of course. Or the one that I actually met, that said the N word. Delete. How about the one that explained his missing tooth and told me that it was in his medicine cabinet at home? Nice guy, but had some sort of "why are you avoiding me" complex. Delete. Oh, and what about the other one that I went on a couple of dates with that kept sending me political rightwing bullshit on about 3 different emails, even though I asked him not to? Delete.

Back to the nicer guys. How about the one that I actually visited, way down at the bottom of the state of Oregon. Liked him, but I liked him more than he liked me. He actually rejected me not only once, but twice. I still talk to him and he wants to come up and visit me. Isn't there something wrong with this picture? I am just a bit hesitant.

Then there was another local one. Seemed OK, seemed promising except for the occasional reference to how much money he spent on his daughters Christmas presents..... oh, and the rude offside comments to me.... Like..... "don't cut your hair, you will get farther if you don't cut your hair." WTF? Or when he told me about some gay girl he knows, that always gets better looking chicks than he does, and he can't figure it out..... oh, and when he told me his dilemmas..... having to find a house to buy, and having to find a girlfriend......

Chopped Liver. Delete. Oh, wait, he deleted me first. But I would have wised up soon enough.

Now for the young ones. Yes, there are some young ones, StudMuffin1 and StudMuffin2. That should say it all. Kind of fun in emails, text messages, and the phone, but really! Where could this possibly go?

Sigh.

Is it any wonder that I kind of said "no more"? Oh, I forgot to mention the scammer that I strung along for awhile, trying to decide just where in the hell he was going with the whole charade. I think he was some scrawny Ethiopian sitting at some computer, thinking that he could get some money out of a desperate rich American woman. Well, I am American, and I am a woman, but the others just don't compute. Finally I said "who the hell are you really?????"

Delete.

But I keep my eyes open, I look every once in awhile. Sometimes I see someone that interests me a bit, and I approach carefully. It hasn't worked yet, there was the nice guy in Yakima, that smoked like a chimney, was missing half his bottom teeth, and looked like a walking cadaver.

Delete nicely.

Oh, and that other nice guy from Ellensburg that I outweighed by about 75 pounds. But we had a fabulous day nevertheless, we saw 23 eagles that day. Little munchkins don't do it for me. Amazons didn't do it for him.

How can I forget Shehezit? Yes, I wasn't sure if he was man or woman, I was certainly intrigued. Had to find out more. I mean, come on? We can sometimes surprise ourselves with our choices, now can't we? So I met him, he was a fabulous artist, Native American, I really liked him, but just way too feminine for me. I guess I just really like masculine. No gay girl here. But he played a heck of a mean slide guitar also, and was so interesting. Back to the drawing board.

So what do I want? I can be picky, since this is just all conjecture and virtual fun.

Humor. He better be damn funny.

Humor. He better think I am damn funny.

Humor. He better think the world is damn funny.

Taller than me. I just like that. I am shallow like that.

Not an alcoholic, not a racist, not a bigot, not a right wing fanatic. Not a fanatic at all.

Humor. Did I mention that?

Adventurous.

Oh, and smart.

Have I left anything out?

How about humor?

Oh, wait, he better think I am freaking awesome, because I am.

So there, that is my story and I am sticking to it.