Biker Rally

Now that I am this single woman (two years now), ready to embark on a whole new chapter in my life (and hoping it isn't just a p.s.) I thought I would once again test the dangerous, murky, yet somehow enticing online dating waters. So far it has been interesting.

I met this guy from Zillah, who came to Ellensburg, and took me to lunch. I thought he was nice, very nice, but I always reserve my judgment for awhile. But he was definitely nice, and I really enjoyed talking to him about creativity and all that good stuff.

Next thing I know, he has invited me to the ABATE Spring Opener, which for all you clueless readers, is basically a Biker Rally/Event. How could I resist? I mean, the man has a bike, and a very nice one at that! I used to ride a bike when I lived in Utah, a Kawasaki 250. After I quit putting it in the ditch, learned how to shift and all, I loved it and had a great time! I used to ride it to the grocery store where I worked. On my lunch hour, sometimes I took it up American Fork Canyon. But I haven't ridden one since the 80's, and I was excited to have the chance to ride again, even on the back. (Or perhaps ESPECIALLY on the back!)

So I meet up with him, he has a helmet for me, I tied my hair back, put on my sunglasses and off we went. First we met up with some of his friends, and we rode to Prosser to have lunch. That was fun. Then to the Yamaha store to pick up a battery, then off to the main event itself. So we get there, there are tents and bikes everywhere. At first I was a little disconcerted that I wasn't dressed in all black. I mean I OFTEN dress in all black, but this day I wasn't. I happened to be in a raspberry shirt that said Alaska on it. I was asked many times throughout the day, if that is where I was from...... "no, my son went to Alaska, and all I got was this t-shirt"....

But I got over the t-shirt business fairly quickly, nobody really looked at me when there were SO many eyepopping sights to be seen..... like the girl stuffed into a childs size 10 short overalls that barely covered her crack.... or the BBW in a short little skirt on the stage, that kept bending over and showing her cheeks to one and all... or the chick that rode a moped during the bike games (ride the plank) and adjusted her shirt right before starting, which totally flashed one boob at the crowd. I mean who CARES what shirt I was wearing?

At one point, there seemed to be a lot of smoke coming from one area of the grounds, and I asked what it was..... "oh, guys are doing burnouts...." as if that would explain it all to me. Not wanting to look totally without a clue, I moseyed on over to check it out. So here's what they do:

They drink a bunch of alcohol, then they take their beautiful, expensive piece of equipment (like maybe $20,000 or so) over to this brick wall, nose their bike into the wall, and proceed to rev the engine, spinning their back tire on the asphalt until it smokes everything up. I mean, you can't even SEE. I had to stick my nose down my raspberry shirt to breathe.

But wait, that's not all. The really MACHO ones keep it up until their tire blows. Their $200.00 tire!

Ahhhhhh, how fun! We all cheer.

Good times.

The most interesting was the Wet T-Shirt Contest. Since the winner would win $500.00, I was tempted to enter. After all, my t-shirt looked pretty good dry, and it should look just as pretty wet I thought. I was quickly disabused of that notion. My date refused to be party to my nonsense.

So there were about 8 girls up there, wearing wife beaters, doused with water, and dancing on stage. At some point, the t-shirts must have become too uncomfortable, because they came off.... There was one girl up there in chaps and shorts, and somehow she was able to remove the shorts while retaining the chaps. Now since I have been to the nude beach, I didn't choke on my beer or anything, but I was intrigued by her Brazillian, and her willingness to flaunt it. And flaunt it she did. I will spare you all the details, but suffice it to say that everything came off, chaps etc, and if I didn't know better, I might have assumed that she was preparing for that Army physical (turn your head and cough). I didn't need to see all her orifices, but I did.

She won. Go figure. It had nothing to do with the t-shirt at all.

I ate oysters on the half shell. Yum. I drank beer. Yum. I listened to a couple of really good bands. My date was a great guy. I had a very good time. Would I do it again? In a heartbeat!

But next time I wear my black Hell shirt that says STAFF on the back.