The Tooth Fairy is for the Birds

Man!

This tooth thing is such a pain in the ass. Where did I put it? Where did I leave it? Did I wash my jeans with my tooth in my pocket? If I did, can I fish it out of the washing machine? Will I drop it down the sink while washing it? Will I eat something sticky and have it come out?

So yesterday morning, I look for my tooth (where did I leave it, where did I put it?), and search the usual locations. Nada. I had this niggeling suspicion that I left it outside on the little bistro table I have on the deck. (I know, I know, what idiot would leave their tooth outside?) After wiping off all the counters, sweeping the floors, looking under the bed, fridge and stove with a flashlight, checking under the keyboard, looking in the medicine cabinet, on the nightstands, on the vanity etc, I came to the unhappy conclusion that I did indeed, leave it on the bistro table. Must have looked like a piece of corn (damn Piper), cuz I just KNOW a bird took it! I searched on the deck, under the deck, around the deck and no luck at all.

I really hope it hurts the bird to poo it out.

So, in total dismay and disgust, I decide that redneck arts and crafts dentistry is in order here, no other solution. Two grand to fix the damn thing is NOT possible right now.

So I go to the hardware store, wander around looking at all things ivory colored, while fending off the helpful clerks. (No you can't help me find anything). I mean what would I say? "I am looking for something to craft a missing tooth out of, what would you suggest? What do your other customers use?"

I found something in the plumbing dept. I have absolutely NO idea what it is, or what it is used for, but it was the approximate color, and the price was right. $1.29.

Beats the hell out of two grand!

So I took it home, and proceeded to whittle on it. I used my sewing scissors and a chisel. And you know what? I actually fashioned myself a passable fascimile of a tooth. It snaps into place, it is a tight fit, so it won't be falling out, I can chew with it, I can smile with it, I could maybe even kiss with it.... (OK, maybe TMI) SO much better than the alternative hole in the head.

All in all, I am rather pleased with myself. Not a permanent solution, but until my dental insurance kicks in and I sell the Vortex, it will have to do.

So bite me.