By Popular Request

I have promised to update my blog.....to satisfy the voyeuristic tendencies of some readers. Where shall I start? I suppose I shall catch up on my dating escapades, capture my thoughts and inclinations before they are doomed to that fuzzy half recall when the initial horror has passed.

Most recent first. Last night. Oh, the horror! The horror!

But let's back up, and lay the background a bit. Since I work in a truck brokering firm, I talk to truck drivers on a daily basis. I met my good friend Carl on the phone. He is a truck driver. I loved his voice from the moment I heard it. I still love his voice. He has the best.voice.evah. After a couple of years of business talk, he "invited" me out to dinner when he was coming through town. Because I thought it would be prudent to be cautious, I arranged for my friend and boss Pam to perform a reconnaissance mission on him, to check him out to make sure he wasn't short, fat and disgustingly ugly. He passed, so I went out to dinner with him and decided that he was fabulous. We have been fast friends ever since. Too bad he has a silly bimbo for a girlfriend. I am waiting for him to see the light.

Meanwhile I date. Back to last nights date. So this OTHER truck driver hauled a load for me, and talking to him on the phone, he seemed to have a good sense of humor. The banter flew fast and furious. He called me after hours, (while I was on a date with eyebrow man), and asked me if 1) I was married, 2) if I had a boyfriend, 3) if I wanted a boyfriend, and 4) if I would go out to dinner with him when he came through town.

Since I had such good luck with Carl, I said "maybe". Besides, he had the cool name of Rock.

So last night, I did, I went to dinner with him.

I go to pick him up at the Shell Station. He wasn't quite ready for me, and it took him several minutes of ???????? before he exited his truck. (Just what was he doing?) Later he apologized, saying that he hadn't been out of his truck for several hours. (Can you say "trucker toilet"?)

He climbed into my truck, and I noticed this all pervasive cloying odor of cheap dollar store cologne on him that would gag a maggot. I mean seriously! I am sure it was meant to be alluring, but it was odious. I would much rather have smelled his stinky cigarette aroma instead. The mixture was heinous. Rhymes with anus.

He gives me the once over, and tells me that he likes what he sees. Great.

We drive to the diner, and to my credit, I don't roll the windows down and stick my head out for air like a labrador. I have good manners like that.

So we eat dinner, and the man just keeps STARING at me!!! He asks me if I am disappointed, he asks me if he passes.... (don't say gas, just don't do it) He leaned over me and gave me a squeeze and asked me if everything is OK. Oh please. I steer the conversation to something safe, like children. He tells me that his youngest is 22, and for some reason, still lives with his mother. I tell him that my youngest is also 22 and for some odd reason also still lives with his mother. He gets my drift, and then says "So, I guess you won't be taking me home with you tonight?"

What do you, dear readers think?

Finally the intermitable dinner is over and I am driving him back. He asks to see my hand, then proceeds to fondle and stroke it before I overcame my shock and took it back. I threw up a little bit in my mouth, but he didn't know it. Good manners once more.

So, I pull up, he says, "am I gonna get a hug?"

I say, "no".

"Oh. Well, do you want to get out and see the inside of my truck?"

I say "no".

"Oh, I just thought maybe you had never seen one."

I say, "I have."

OK, bye. Bu bye now, bu bye

I called my friend Carl, and he had to talk me down for an hour and a half.....

Later Carl texted me and asked me if I was gonna be doing any "Rock climbing" in my dreams....

What a funny man!